I recently received a piece of direct mail with an offer that I simply could not resist. As a direct marketer who has used every trick in the book, that is saying a lot. Here’s what this piece had going for it:

• It was super targeted
• It had a clean, cohesive design
• It had a kick ass offer
• It had an easy call to action

Here’s what it didn’t have going for it:

• STUPID, hard-to-understand, customer service
• And poor database management

The mail was from MSN Direct, a service from Microsoft that delivers up-to-the-minute content directly to “smart” devices like watches and even coffee makers.

The offer was, in exchange for a 1 year service plan, I would receive an upgrade to my Smart Watch with a $299 Suunto n3i Smart Watch absolutely free. MSN played to all my emotions superbly. They thanked me for being a loyal past subscriber and complimented me for being an early adopter of technology.

See, I own a Swatch Paparazzi Smart Watch and had the MSN Direct plan a couple of years ago. After a year of service, I realized I wasn’t fulfilled by the product offering of information so I decided to wait a year and see what improvements would be made before considering rejoining.

As a technofile who loves gadgets, being complimented on being an early adopter of technology was very effective. I do take pride in having the latest gadgets and I have been impressed with the improvements to the MSN Direct service (namely the addition of real-time traffic reports).

The call to action seemed simple enough: “Just call 1-866-658-7032 with your old watch ID and your priority code: 20059XXXX. When you sign up for 12 months of MSN Direct “Smart Plan Plus”, we’ll send you a FREE Suunto n3i.”"

I was hooked. I was already going to sign back up but with this offer it put me over the edge. All I had to do was call the number with my watch ID and priority code. So I recharged my old smart watch and found the watch ID and then called the number.

Mistake #1: The number was a main MSN Direct customer service number. One in which I had to navigate through a couple of prompts (none which seemed to apply to me) until I just pushed, “0″ and waited for an operator.

Mistake #2: The woman had no idea why I was calling. I had to practically explain the entire letter to her.

She then asked me for the primary phone number from my previous account. I gave her my current home phone number. (admittedly, I did not remember what number I used, it was over a year ago.) The number was wrong. She then asked for the credit card my old account was charged with. I did remember that I had used a Visa card that I no longer have and I told her I didn’t have it.

She then told me that I have to go online and resign up for the service activating my old watch and then call her back.

I told her that I had my watch ID and my priority code and asked if she could look up my info with that. She responded with a “no.”

Mistake #3: MSN Direct did not have my priority code married with my account info in the computer.

So then I asked her why I had to activate an old watch so that I could get my new watch that she offered me? She had no reasonable explanation except that she had to ask her supervisor.

[Cue On-hold music here]
“Hello, sir? My supervisor said the same thing. You have to go online and resign up.”

I asked, “Can’t you sign me up over the phone?”

she said, “No.”

I then said, “Well, I’m not going to sign up then. This is horrible. You should really change the way your mailer is written. You knew my name, my address, the fact that I owned a smart watch and that I would be a good candidate to sign up again. But you didn’t know to make it easy for me to sign up again. Good day.”

On principle, I cannot take advantage of this offer. Even if it is a kick ass offer, poor list management and customer service will do you in every time.

So what could they have done better?

For starters, they could have made the call to action driving me to the web. They could have had an offer like, “we want you back (cuz you’re da man). Just re-activate your smart watch with 12 months of MSN Direct “Smart Plan Plus” and we will send you a Suunto n3i watch free. Just type in priority code 20059XXXX at checkout.”

Don’t tell me it’s easy and send me to the phone and give me the run around. You dumped me, MSN Direct. And it’s a shame, cause I was starting to actually like you.

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